Behaviour as Communication: Ways to Support Your Child

Discover 10 strategies to understand children's behavior as communication, helping them express emotions and feel secure and understood.

Children communicate through their behaviour, particularly when they struggle with verbal language. Rather than viewing behaviour as something that needs to be controlled or fixed, we can start to understand it as an important form of communication. By doing so, we can better support our children’s emotional and sensory needs, helping them feel understood, secure, and able to express themselves in healthier ways. Here are ten strategies to help you support your child by recognising their behaviour as communication.

1. Observe and Listen Before Reacting

Before jumping in with a response, take a step back and observe. What might your child be trying to tell you through their behaviour? Is there a pattern in what triggers certain behaviours? For example, do they act out in noisy environments, or become withdrawn when faced with complex tasks? Understanding the root causes of behaviour takes time, but by observing carefully, you’ll start to notice connections between their actions and underlying needs.

It’s also important to listen—not just to the words your child is using, but to their body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. These can provide valuable clues about what they are trying to communicate.

2. Reduce the Language Load

When a child is overwhelmed, frustrated, or upset, their ability to process language decreases. Using long sentences or asking too many questions at once can increase their frustration. Instead, reduce the ‘language load’ by speaking in short, simple phrases and using gestures or visuals where possible. For example, instead of saying, “It’s time to put your shoes on, get your bag, and then we’re going out to the car,” you could say, “Shoes on first, then bag.”

This simplifies the message and makes it easier for them to follow. Giving them extra time to respond is also important—don’t rush them. Allowing more processing time can lead to better cooperation and less frustration.

3. Provide Sensory Supports

Many challenging behaviours stem from sensory overload or the need for sensory input. Some children may feel overwhelmed by bright lights, loud noises, or crowded spaces, while others may seek out sensory stimulation like movement, touch, or noise to help them regulate their emotions.

Offer sensory tools and supports that help your child stay regulated. This might include creating a quiet corner where they can retreat when things feel too much, using noise-cancelling headphones in loud environments, or providing sensory toys like fidgets, weighted blankets, or textured objects. Movement breaks throughout the day—such as jumping, spinning, or running—can also be helpful for children who need more sensory input.

4. Model Calmness and Self-Regulation

Children learn by watching us. If they see us reacting to situations with calmness and patience, they are more likely to adopt these behaviours themselves. During moments of stress or frustration, stay as calm as possible. Take deep breaths, speak softly, and move slowly. Your ability to remain composed can help regulate your child’s emotional state.

If you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed, it’s okay to model self-regulation strategies for your child. You might say, “I’m feeling a bit stressed right now, so I’m going to take a deep breath to help me calm down.” This not only shows your child how to manage their own emotions but also reinforces the idea that everyone experiences big feelings, and it’s how we handle them that matters.

5. Validate Their Emotions

One of the most powerful things you can do for your child is to acknowledge and validate their emotions, rather than dismissing them. When a child feels heard and understood, their emotional intensity often decreases, and they are less likely to act out.

For example, if your child is angry because their toy broke, you might say, “I can see you’re really upset about your toy breaking. That must feel really frustrating.” This simple act of validation can diffuse situations and prevent behaviours from escalating. Importantly, it also helps your child learn that their feelings are valid, even if their actions need some guidance.

6. Use Visual Supports

For many children, especially those with language delays, visual supports can be a game changer. Visual aids such as picture schedules, emotion charts, or cue cards help children understand what is happening and what is expected of them. This can reduce anxiety, clarify routines, and support smoother transitions between activities.

For example, if your child struggles with transitions, a picture schedule showing the order of the day’s activities can provide reassurance. Knowing what’s coming next helps children feel more secure, reducing the likelihood of challenging behaviour during transitions.

7. Offer Choices

Children can sometimes feel powerless in situations where decisions are made for them, which can lead to defiance or frustration. By offering choices, you give your child a sense of control over their environment and their actions. Even small choices can make a big difference.

For instance, instead of saying, “Put your shoes on now,” you could offer a choice: “Would you like to wear the red shoes or the blue shoes?” Giving them an option empowers them and helps avoid potential power struggles. It also shows them that their opinions and preferences matter.

8. Create Predictable Routines

Children thrive on predictability. A consistent routine provides structure and reduces anxiety by letting your child know what to expect next. When a child knows what’s coming, they feel more secure and are less likely to become anxious or act out.

Routines can be especially helpful during tricky times of the day, such as mornings, mealtimes, or bedtime. Consistent cues, such as using the same words or visual reminders, help your child transition smoothly between activities. While flexibility is sometimes necessary, having an overall structure can make a huge difference in reducing challenging behaviours.

9. Adjust Expectations Based on Their Needs

It’s essential to recognise that your child’s behaviour will fluctuate depending on their sensory, emotional, and physical needs. If they are tired, hungry, or overstimulated, they may not be able to meet the expectations you normally have for them.

Being attuned to these changes allows you to adjust your expectations accordingly. For example, if your child is overwhelmed, it might not be the best time to ask them to tidy up their room. Instead, offer support and acknowledge that they might need extra help or patience in that moment. Flexibility in expectations can prevent meltdowns and reduce stress for both you and your child.

10. Praise Positive Behaviour

Positive reinforcement can be a powerful tool for encouraging desired behaviour. Instead of focusing on what your child is doing wrong, try to catch them doing something right and offer specific praise. For example, “I noticed you asked for help when you couldn’t reach that instead of getting upset—well done!”

Be specific with your praise, so they understand exactly what behaviour you are encouraging. Positive reinforcement helps to build your child’s confidence and reinforces the idea that they are capable of making good choices, which in turn can reduce negative behaviours.

When we view behaviour as communication, we can respond to our children with empathy, patience, and understanding. These strategies offer practical ways to support your child, helping them navigate their emotions, sensory needs, and communication challenges. By embracing this approach, we not only reduce challenging behaviours but also strengthen our connection with our children, helping them feel secure and understood.