Understanding Behavior: Enhancing Communication in Children

Discover how understanding children's sensory & emotional needs can improve communication & reduce challenging behaviours.

Children are naturally motivated to do their best with the skills and resources available to them. When they behave in ways that seem challenging or hard to manage, it's usually a signal that something is out of balance—whether it’s due to their environment, sensory needs, or difficulty with communication. For children with language delays, behavior often becomes a primary means of expressing what they cannot say in words. Instead of viewing these behaviours as something to control with rewards and punishment, we can shift our focus toward supporting their emotional and sensory needs through co-regulation, which provides long-lasting tools for emotional and behavioural growth.

The Power of the Environment and Interaction on Behaviour:

Behaviour doesn’t happen in isolation. A child’s behaviour is directly influenced by the environment they are in and the interactions they experience. A noisy, overwhelming, or unstructured environment may trigger challenging behaviors, especially in children who are sensitive to sensory input. Similarly, interactions that are rushed, unclear, or involve too much language can lead to frustration and emotional outbursts. As parents or caregivers, we can shape the environment to reduce these stressors. This could involve providing quiet spaces for children to retreat to, structuring routines so they know what to expect, or ensuring that they are getting enough sensory input (like movement breaks) to help them stay regulated. Equally important is the way we interact with children. When we slow down, give them space to process, and respond calmly, we can make communication easier for them and help reduce their frustration.

Helping Behaviour Through Sensory Understanding and Language:

Sensory Understanding:

Children often use behaviour to express sensory needs that they can’t yet communicate verbally. If a child becomes overwhelmed in a noisy room, they may act out because they are overstimulated and don’t know how to express their discomfort. On the other hand, a child who seeks out constant movement may show restless or disruptive behaviour because they’re craving sensory input. Understanding the link between sensory processing and behaviour can be a game changer. By observing patterns—like when behaviour improves or worsens—we can identify whether a child needs more or less sensory stimulation. For instance, providing a sensory break during the day, such as time for swinging, jumping, or quiet time with sensory toys, can help regulate their emotions and reduce challenging behaviour.

Language Level Understanding:

Children with language delays are especially vulnerable to frustration when they can’t express themselves verbally. Imagine wanting to communicate something important but not having the words for it. For these children, behaviour becomes the easiest, and often the quickest, way to get their message across. Whether it’s throwing something, yelling, or withdrawing, they are trying to communicate a need or emotion. To support these children, we need to tailor our communication to their level. This might mean using more visual aids, giving them extra time to respond, or simplifying our language to make it more understandable. By adjusting how we speak to them, we can prevent frustration and help them feel understood, which will naturally reduce the need for challenging behaviours.

The Impact of Emotions on Language Processing:

One of the most important things to remember is that emotions can significantly affect a child’s ability to process language. When a child is calm, their brain can focus on understanding what’s being said, but as emotions rise—whether from anger, frustration, excitement, or anxiety—the brain’s ability to handle language decreases. During moments of emotional overwhelm, expecting a child to follow complex instructions or respond verbally can be unrealistic. Instead, focus first on helping them regulate their emotions. Once they are calm, their capacity to understand and engage in communication improves. This is why co-regulation is so essential. It helps the child get back to a place where their brain can handle the demands of communication.

Why Co-Regulation is More Effective than Rewards and Punishments:

Traditionally, many parents and teachers have relied on reward and punishment systems to manage behaviour. While these methods might produce short-term compliance, they often fail to address the underlying issues driving the behaviour. More importantly, they do little to help children learn emotional regulation or effective communication skills. Co-regulation is a more compassionate and effective approach. It involves caregivers actively helping children manage their emotions by staying present, calm, and connected during moments of distress. Instead of telling a child to "calm down" or punishing them for an outburst, co-regulation means being there with them—acknowledging their feelings, offering comfort, and modeling calm behaviour. This approach not only helps the child feel safe and understood but also teaches them how to regulate their own emotions over time, laying the foundation for better behaviour and communication in the future.

Top Tips for Supporting Behaviour and Communication:

Allow Emotions Children need to know that their emotions are valid, even when those emotions are difficult. Rather than trying to suppress or distract from big feelings, allow children to express them.

Acknowledge their frustration, sadness, or excitement, and show them that it’s okay to feel this way. When emotions are allowed, children feel more secure and less likely to act out.

Co-Regulate Stay calm and connected during emotional moments. When a child is overwhelmed, they need your help to find their way back to calm. You can do this by staying physically close, speaking softly, or offering gentle sensory input like a hug or a fidget toy. The key is to remain present without overwhelming them with words or instructions.

Set Examples Children learn by watching. If you model calmness, patience, and clear communication, they are likely to imitate these behaviours. This doesn’t mean you have to be perfect all the time, but showing them how you manage your own emotions—like taking deep breaths when frustrated—can be a powerful teaching tool.

Reduce Language Load In moments of frustration or heightened emotions, simplify your language. Long sentences and complex explanations can be overwhelming when a child’s emotions are high. Use clear, short phrases or even non-verbal cues to communicate what you need to. For example, instead of saying, "It’s time to clean up and then we’ll go outside, but first you need to put away your toys," you could simply say, "Clean up first, then outside."

Adjust Expectations and Be mindful of your child’s sensory and language needs when setting expectations for behaviour. If they’re tired, overstimulated, or emotionally overwhelmed, expecting perfect behaviour is unrealistic. By adjusting your expectations to fit their current abilities, you can create opportunities for success rather than setting them up for frustration.